Madame Web

3 outta 5

Madame Web, the latest attempt by Sony pictures to spin-off multiple Spider-Man supporting characters into their own franchise is ok. Its not terrible or terrific. It has nifty moments, lots of pointless bits and is a tad too long even at under 2 hours. This is basically a supernatural vision of the future thriller with Spider-Man Easter Eggs. The dynamic of the four leads worked well although the film only shows them as full-fledged Spider-Ladies for like 30 seconds but it’s a really cool 30 seconds. And the main baddie is basically What If Spider-Man was a Murderous Psycho. The plot is dopey featuring weird spider powered tribes, but the action scenes are nicely chaotic. The final scene is a neat teaser for a movie that will never be made which is apt for these Sony Spider-Man spinoff flicks.

Cassie (Dakota Johnson) is a NYC paramedic who is friends with fellow paramedic Ben Parker (Adam Scott). Her mother died in the Amazon researching spiders, but what Cassie doesn’t know was that she was delivered by a tribe of Spider powered people. In NYC there is also Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim) who has visions of spider powered ladies throwing him out a window in a few years. He discovers three ladies who will grow up to be Spider-Women, Julia (Syndey Sweeney), Mattie (Celeste O’Connor) and Anya (Isabela Merced). When Cassie is in an accident, she can suddenly see visions of the future, mostly involving the three girls’ horrible deaths at the hands of Ezekiel. Now she gathers up the girls and goes on the run, but even with her powers growing they may not stop the superhuman madman.

Ezekiel’s evil plan is very similar to the original Spider-Verse comic event with the Inheritors/Morlun trying to take out Spider-People across the Multiverse. But here Ezekiel is only after three girls who will grow up to have spider powers. Set in the year of 2003, this feels like its own thread of the Arachno Humanoid Poly Multiverse. But if someone wants to say it is on Earth-688 where the Venom movies take place, go ahead. Even feel free to pretend it is set in Tom Holland’s MCU Earth-199999. The references to the Parker family are ultimately pointless. If Ezekiel can see the future, why isn’t doing anything about Spider-Man as Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) is pregnant with a boy. Shouldn’t he know more about impending Spider-Man stuff? Cassie being friends with Ben Parker seems superfluous. Scott’s Ben Parker basically just supplies quips. Even when Mary gives birth to the kid at the end, they don’t say his name and there’s a shot of a curtain that vaguely looks like a spiderweb. Although, if this Peter Parker is born in 2003 it doesn’t line up with any of the other cinematic Spider-Men we’ve seen (maybe Holland’s Peter but that is stretching it).

Whenever Ezekiel talks it gets repetitive real fast, “They’re going to destroy me! My tech support girl sucks!” Seriously, there’s an actual subplot about him being mean to tech support trying to find the girls. When he’s in action it’s neat because Evil Murderous Psycho Spider-Man seems unstoppable. The film sells the notion that if someone with Spider-Man powers went on a killing spree, the targets would be screwed. Some of the visions of smashing his victims were pretty nasty. There’s lots of cool shots like Ezekiel Spider-Man-ing with fireworks going off around him and swatting fireworks in the air to take down a helicopter. There’s an action scene set to Britney Spears’ Toxic song that is pretty aces and the finale features satisfying chaotic action. Although the way Cassie randomly magic powers them out of the predicament isn’t very satisfying.

The mysticism in Madame Web is silly, and this is a series that involves radioactive spiders. There are spider tribe people with spider powers that look very primitive when Cassie is born but then when she returns decades later the head Spider-tribe guy is in normal clothes. Apparently, in the intervening 30 years he found a Gap store. Civilization! He also delivers a line that is a variation on the Great Power and Responsibility line is dumb. The vision scenes where Cassie keeps seeing people getting splattered in by Ezkiel in different ways is effective. Also, at the end when Cassie uses her predictive powers to fight back has some cool bits.

Johnson is best when Cassie is being awkward. There’s also a good gag when Cassie figures out she has superpowers and Cassie tries to climb the wall in the apartment like Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man then immediately flops on the ground. The banter between the ladies at the craziness is fun as they are basically kidnapped by Cassie. The ladies are archetypes; Julia is the meek nerd, Mattie is outgoing, Anya has street smarts. They are all shown in visions of their spider powered future, frankly almost every shot was in the ads, but they do look great for fleeting seconds it is on screen.

Madame Web plucks bits from the Spider-Man mythos and stuffs it in a supernatural thriller about future visions. The direct references to Parker family are weak, and the plot is dopey. But deadly Spider-Man is a nifty villain, and it works in brief bursts to eek out some fun. Although, any other Spider-Man move is a better watch.